Folk musical-theatre meets the storytellers convention doing a mummers play.
What does that mean? It means the last bastion of folk's dignity has been dragged out into the barn and had a pig's leg shoved up its jacksie repeatedly. And they left the tape running.
There's a load of fucking weirdos in this world and for some reason this particular pouch of personality disorders decided to go into music instead of becoming drama teachers or opening a crystal shop in Glastonbury High St.
What the fuck "sitting on your head like a paraffin soul" is supposed to mean I have no idea. Each track, strummed by a dog who's just this second had its front paws bitten off by an owl, and festooned by flutes, whistles and the such all blown with no skill. The vocals are out of tune. The harmonies....aren't.
I'm on "A Very Cellular Song", which is apparently 13 minutes long. Harpsichord plays while the vocal land confidently on exactly the wrong note. In fervent support of this mouse having an anal prolapse, a violin is tortured slowly - or what used to be a violin until it was defiled by the gormless twat who now holds it like the serial killer grips the victim, drawing the bow across the instrument like a rusty blade across the unfortunate's skin.
I cannot express the pain I am in right now. They can't sing, they can't play, the words are just fucking shit they wrote then they were semi conscious after eating too many lentils. There is not a scintilla of value in this, whatsoever. Who the fuck decides to record this?
There are people who are just shit. They can go play open mic and drive business away from local pubs on a Tuesday but can we please not give them record deals? That's like inviting children to play with explosives.
The Water Song is backed by sound effects of water sploshing about. I don't think it's clean water. I think it's the rancid shit water squirted from the arseholes of a 1000 dead crack whores. Every second that goes by and I haven't freed myself of this execrable doggerel is drops of that water being splashed in my face. And all too frequently the notes are so off that some gets in my mouth.
The "incredible string" Band? The only incredible thing about these strings is that they weren't used to garrote these feckless cunts at birth.
0 stars.
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